Tonight I found myself needing to face an issue I’ve been struggling with off and on for a while now. Truthfully, I’ve been being lazy and dumb and pretending that it wasn’t an issue or that I could just get rid of it without intentionally facing it head on (in my experience, that doesn’t typically work, but I still seem to try it at first with new things that pop up which would probably be in my best interest to stop doing).
Here’s where I tripped myself up. Being a Witch means having a job. Every Witch has at least one job, and I’m not talking about the kind that necessarily (directly) pays bills. I’m a huge fan of Buffy (the series), and I think about her struggle with being told she needs to find a job, when her response is she already has one. Jobs are responsibilities. Jobs are not always fun. Certain Witch jobs (like one of the ones I have) need to be done simply for the sake of being done, and to go beyond that, they need to be done with an energy and intent of expecting nothing in return. My ego has gotten in my way on this particular point, and so it sat in the corner wallowing in contrary Water with its pitiful little face on whining and whimpering and being generally pathetic, as egos are typically wont to do. Because I forgot.
My Goddess-given Teacher has continually told me (and my co-students) that her job is not to actually teach us anything new, but rather to help us re-member what we have forgotten through the course of coming down here to the planet and living in the world. My Teacher helped me to see that I forgot that it is an honor and a privilege to be able to do Momma’s work. There aren’t a lot of people walking around on the planet that hold that privilege. And I know this. Deep in my guts I know that the Divine has blessed me and that it is amazing that I have been given this opportunity. And so while my ego isn’t making as much noise as it was, it’s still currently pouting. Thankfully, however, none of this means I need to immediately be catapulted in to a warm, fuzzy gratitude-filled space in this exact moment.
I’ve found that acknowledgment of that deep, gut-level knowing is the starting point for being able to truly live from that corresponding space. So I choose and intend. I choose to step into that space, to begin walking deeper in it, to let those waters of gratitude soak through every pore and into every cell of my body until I am flowing not just in but with those waters. I intend to re-member that, as a Water person, gratitude and simply flowing are part of my natural state. I intend to be gentle, understanding, patient, and compassionate with my Self through this process in a manner that is in alignment with my highest and best interest; yet, I also intend to be appropriately disciplined, to monitor my Self and continually check-in with my Self to ensure I do not get stuck. And when I do get stuck, I intend to turn inward, to find the obstacle(s) in my path and to release them that I may flow smoothly once more.
It’s been a while since you posted this and I do wonder…
Since December 26, we’ve been in a kind of ‘holding pattern’, where seemingly no progress is being made. That pattern just went off of “hold” last week. Energy is now moving again and getting ready to really heighten in intensity around the first of June.
Over the next few months, the flow is going in the direction of exposure. “What” has been rumbling below the surface of things is now being exposed.
The “Flow” on a Cosmic level has shifted 90 degrees. Our earth is shifting too, endeavoring to minimize human suffering but shifting it is. It’s happening *now*, not all at once in 2012.
The idea just went across my mind…
that there is a big difference in perception between serving Momma and being an expression of Momma.
One expresses an intimate relationship with the Divine Feminine, as being given the opportunity to express Her Spirit, given form by your willing Personality acting in cooperation to be that channel of expression.
“Conception, conceive, give birth to”.
The other perspective is that of a relationship of distance, of feeling detached and separated, as in a relationship of Mother & Child.
Sooner or later our “inner child” starts to learn from our “inner parent”. Inner, meaning intimate as in “a part of us”, instead of detached from us.
Does that shift in perspective do anything to inspire any feelings of “Gratitude”? Where maybe the other one isn’t one that is respectful of your Individuality and sense of Self Empowerment?
A Master serves but is not a servant. One comes from a profound sense of Gratitude, the other does not because…there is nothing Loving about such a self image, much less to feel Grateful about.